You've Been Waiting for Permission. Here's Why Nobody's Coming.
Do you remember permission slips? That little slip of paper that got you out of class, signed by someone in authority, granting you access to something different? Maybe it was for a field trip, a special event, or getting out of school early. Someone decided you had permission, and suddenly you felt it. That tiny piece of paper held real power.
Now I want to ask you something. You're a grown woman. A midlife woman with decades of experience, wisdom, and life behind her. So who's writing your permission slips these days?
If you just went quiet, or felt a little flutter in your stomach reading that... keep reading. Because this is the conversation that changes things!
The Quiet Way We Give Away Our Power
This isn't just about career satisfaction… So many of us have felt it in our bones. I work with midlife women every single day who are brilliant, capable, and deeply stuck. Not stuck because they lack talent or intelligence. Stuck because somewhere along the way, they started waiting. Waiting for their boss to notice them, waiting for their partner to support their dream, and waiting for the "right time" that never seems to come. Waiting for someone, anyone, to hand them that permission slip that says: you can do this now.
One of my clients (we'll call her Jenna), came to me absolutely exhausted. She had been in a management role for eleven years, had received nothing but glowing reviews, and desperately wanted to pivot into a consulting role she'd been dreaming about. Every time she edged toward it, she pulled back. "I'm waiting until my kids are older." "I'm waiting until the economy settles." "I'm waiting until I feel more ready." But Jenna wasn't waiting for circumstances to change… She was waiting for permission.
The truth that Jenna eventually discovered, and the truth I want to offer you today, is that no one is standing at the front of the room with that pad of permission slips anymore. This is your life, your career, and your one shot at doing work that lights you up. And the only person who can authorize your next chapter is you.
Why We Wait (And Why It's Not Your Fault)
Here's what I want you to understand. Waiting is deeply human. We were literally trained for decades to look to others for direction, validation, and approval. School, family, religion, workplaces... so many of the structures we grew up inside were built around the idea that someone else knows what's best for you, and will tell you when you're ready.
Decades of research in psychology back this up.Self-Determination Theory, developed by Drs. Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, identifies autonomy as one of three core psychological needs essential to human wellbeing. When we operate from a place of genuine autonomy, choosing our actions from inner values rather than external pressure, we experience more motivation, more satisfaction, and better mental health. When that autonomy is thwarted, either by others or by ourselves, everything starts to feel harder.
So when your career feels draining, when you dread Monday mornings, when you catch yourself saying "I wish I could..." over and over again... that's not a character flaw. That's a signal. Your deepest self is telling you that something needs to change, and it starts with you giving yourself permission to listen.
We also can't ignore what the data tells us. Research from McKinsey's Women in the Workplace report found that nearly 42% of women report feeling burned out, a number that has continued to climb. Women are consistently taking on more at work, absorbing extra responsibilities without extra time or compensation, and often never speaking up about it. Not because they don't want things to change, but because they haven't given themselves permission to ask.
Recognizing Your Permission Slip Opportunities
Before you can write yourself a permission slip, you need to know where you've been giving your power away. This is the part of the work that requires honest reflection, and I want to gently encourage you to sit with it rather than rush past it.
Grab a journal, or just a piece of paper, and ask yourself these questions.
Where in my career does everything feel heavy, like I'm moving through thick mud? Where do I feel like I have no control, like someone else is steering my ship and I'm just along for the ride? What am I tolerating at work that is quietly eroding my spirit, my wellbeing, or my sense of self?
Maybe you're being piled with new responsibilities and no additional pay or time. Maybe your boss consistently dismisses your ideas. Maybe you've been dreaming about a career shift for three years and haven't taken a single step toward it. Maybe you haven't taken a real vacation in two years because everyone "needs" you too much.
Write it all down. No editing, no justifying. Just the truth of what's actually happening in your career right now.
Getting Clear on What "Good" Looks Like
Once you've identified where the energy is stuck, the next step is to imagine the opposite. Not in a pie-in-the-sky way, but in a clear, specific, grounded way. If this situation were working for you, what would it look and feel like?
Jenna, my client I mentioned earlier, did this exercise and realized that what she actually needed wasn't for her life circumstances to change. She needed to feel confident that her dream was worth pursuing, and she needed someone to tell her it was okay to go for it. The moment she realized she was that someone, everything shifted.
This step matters more than most people realize. Research published in Frontiers in Psychology found that internal resources, including self-belief and clear personal values, are among the most significant factors in successful career transitions for women. You can't navigate toward a destination you haven't clearly defined. Getting specific about what you want isn't indulgent. It's essential.
Writing Your Own Permission Slips
Now comes the part I love most. Actually writing the permission slips.
You can make this as tangible as you'd like. I recommend going to a craft store and picking up an actual pad of permission slips, or finding some printable ones online. There is something about physically writing your permission on paper that makes it feel real. But even post-its will work. The point is to put it in writing, because written intentions carry weight.
Permission slips work at every scale. Some of yours will be sweeping — a career pivot, a difficult conversation you've been avoiding for years. Others will be immediate and concrete — leaving the office at 5pm this Friday, saying no to a meeting that doesn't need you there. Both count. Both are real. Start with the one that's most alive for you right now, not the one that feels safest.
Some of yours might already be waiting, fully formed. "I give myself permission to talk to my boss about the promotion I want." "I give myself permission to research what a career pivot into consulting would actually look like." "I give myself permission to take the vacation I've been putting off for two years." “I give myself permission to speak my ideas at high stakes meetings.” If one of those just made your stomach flip — that's the one. Write it down first.
This isn't just feel-good advice.Research from Harvard Business Review confirms that employees who set clear expectations around their work, including what they will and won't take on, consistently report lower stress and higher productivity. Permission slips are essentially the practice of setting those expectations with yourself first, before you can communicate them to anyone else.
When It Gets Uncomfortable (And It Will)
I want to be honest with you. Some of these permission slips will scare you. Some of them will require difficult conversations or moments of vulnerability that make you want to retreat back into waiting mode. That is completely normal.
Here's what I know from both the research and from walking alongside many midlife women: studies on women and workplace burnout at the NIH consistently show that the women who thrive are not the ones who avoid hard conversations. They're the ones who develop the capacity to have them. Speaking up for your needs, your values, and your boundaries is not selfish. It is one of the most career-advancing, wellbeing-protecting things you can do.
You are worth the discomfort of asking for what you need. Your dreams are worth a courageous conversation. The career you actually want is waiting on the other side of the permission slip you write for yourself today.
Your Challenge This Week
I want you to write one permission slip before you close this tab. Just one. Make it real and specific and yours. Write it down, put it somewhere you'll see it, and then do the thing.
I promise you, the first one is the hardest. After that, it gets easier. After that, you start to remember something you might have forgotten along the way. That this is your life. Your career. Your one precious chance to do work that matters and feels like you.
Nobody else holds the pad, ladies. It's in your hands.
I'm cheering you on every single step of the way.
With love and fierce belief in you,
Dawn LaRae
The Midlife Career Whisperer
P.S. If you've been feeling that familiar pull toward something more aligned — but you're not quite sure where the disconnect is — take my free Career Alignment Assessment. It's a beautiful starting place for getting honest with yourself about where you are and where you're truly meant to be.
I’m Dawn LaRae, The Midlife Career Whisperer™! I help midlife women design their dream career so they can experience passion and purpose in their work.
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