Why Your Fears Might Just Be Your Best Guide Forward
You know that voice, don't you? The one that shows up right when you REALLY want to step into something new or bigger in your career. The voice that says "Who do you think you are?" and "What if you fail?" and my personal favorite... "It's too late for you.
I heard this voice three times just THIS MONTH from brilliant midlife women. Three accomplished professionals who knew exactly what they wanted but found themselves paralyzed by fear.
But there’s good news for them (and for every woman reading this!)... Not all fear is created equal. Understanding the difference between them changes absolutely everything about how you move forward in your career!
The Two Faces of Fear You Need to Know
The ancient Hebrew language actually distinguishes between two completely different types of fear, and understanding this framework may very well be eye-opening for how you define the fear holding you back.
The first type is called Pachad. Think of Pachad as that anxiety-driven, doom-and-gloom terror that makes you shrink and freeze. This fear is reactive and paralyzing. Research published in Biological Psychiatry shows that anxiety and fear can impair decision-making capabilities by heightening amygdala responses while reducing prefrontal cortex function, making it harder to see opportunities right in front of us. Pachad loves to catastrophize and convince you that everything will go wrong.
At midlife, Pachad sounds like "It's too late for me." "Who am I to try this now?" "I've invested too many years to walk away." This is the fear that has your resume open on your computer for three weeks straight, but you keep closing the tab. This is the fear that keeps you quiet in meetings even when you have the exact solution everyone needs to hear.
Then there's Yirah. Yirah is that awe-filled fear you feel when stepping into something big and meaningful. It comes with goosebumps and exhilaration and that sense of expansion in your chest. These are the butterflies before a big presentation when you're about to launch something that matters deeply to you.
At midlife, Yirah sounds like "This matters deeply to me" and "I'm becoming who I'm meant to be." Yirah makes you feel like you're standing at the edge of something important. Your hands might be shaking, but there's energy moving through you rather than freezing you in place.
Before you can work with your fear, you need to identify which type you're experiencing. Is this Pachad trying to keep you small, or is this Yirah inviting you to step into your full capacity?
What Your Fear is Actually Trying to Tell You
I had a client recently, a brilliant 52-year-old woman who was terrified to leave her corporate role to start her dream consulting business. After several sessions, she discovered that her fear wasn't actually about money. It was about losing her identity as a corporate leader. Once she saw that clearly, she could work with the fear as information rather than letting it make her decisions.
THIS is the shift! What if fear isn't a stop sign? What if it's actually your inner knowing telling you you're headed toward something that matters deeply?
You don't feel afraid about things that don't matter. Am I right?! You feel afraid about things that DO matter. The career move you really want. The business idea you can't stop thinking about. The leadership role you know you're ready for.
Neuroscience research from the National Institutes of Health confirms that our brains are wired to alert us to potential threats, but they often can't distinguish between genuine danger and the discomfort that comes with growth.
Instead of asking "How do I get rid of this fear?" start asking, What is my fear telling me about what matters? Am I doubting myself without evidence? Am I standing at the threshold of genuine growth?
That fear you're feeling isn’t going away before you start. It comes with you. That’s right, WITH YOU. The real question is whether you're going to let it drive your decisions or whether you're going to acknowledge it, invite it along for the ride, and move forward anyway.
Three Powerful Steps to Take Back Your Dreams from Fear
Step 1: Get Curious
When you approach fear with genuine curiosity, something remarkable happens. Fear loses its grip, and curiosity and fear cannot coexist in the same mental space.
According to research published in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, curiosity and anxiety activate different neural pathways in the brain, with curiosity reducing fear responses by engaging exploratory systems rather than threat-detection circuits.
Think of one specific career-related fear that's been keeping you from pursuing what you really want. Now get very specific about it. Write down the details. Then ask your fear these questions:
What are you trying to protect me from? If you could talk, what would you say you need?
When you approach fear with curiosity instead of resistance, it usually reveals something important. Maybe it's a value you can honor differently. Maybe it's a vulnerability you can address with planning. Maybe it's a real risk you can navigate strategically.
In my Energy Leadership work, getting curious with your fear gives you knowledge and information you can actually work with to move forward.
Step 2: Reality-Test
Most of us treat our fears like they're facts. We've assigned them a probability rating of 10 out of 10 when the actual likelihood is closer to a 3.
Write down the specific outcome you're worried about: "I'm afraid that _____________ will happen."
Now honestly rate the probability on a scale of 1 to 10. Be brutally honest.
How many of you just realized your fear probability is like a 3, but you've been treating it like a 10?
Now list the evidence. What evidence do you have that this feared outcome will actually occur? More importantly, what evidence do you have of your capability to navigate this outcome if it happens? What have you already successfully navigated that felt equally uncertain?
Most of the time, the evidence of your capability is much stronger than evidence of the feared outcome. Ladies, you have decades of proof that you can overcome uncertainty. This isn't your first rodeo!
Step 3: Follow Fear to the End
One of the most powerful exercises I do with coaching clients is the "Then What?" cascade. We follow the fear all the way to the end, and almost every time, women discover that even their worst-case scenario is manageable.
Start with your fear. "If _____________ happened..."
Then ask, "What would I do?"
Answer, and then ask, "Then what?"
Keep going until you feel "I'd figure it out" or "I'd be okay."
For example, one client's fear was "If I pivot careers and fail, it’ll be a waste of money. And what will everyone think of me?"
We followed it through. She'd be disappointed and reassess.
But then what? She'd leverage her network for a new job or lean into consulting.
Then what? She'd use what she learned in future decisions.
Then what? She'd rebuild because she's done it before.
The recognition, "I'd survive. I'd actually be okay. Because I always figure it out."
That moment when you realize you've navigated worse and come out stronger? THAT is when fear loses its power to keep you frozen!
The Midlife Advantage
It may not always feel like it… but your age is a superpower. You have decades of evidence that you can navigate uncertainty. Think about something that terrified you 15 years ago. Maybe it was becoming a parent, leaving a relationship, a career change, a major loss. You thought you couldn't handle it, but you did.
That's not luck, ladies. That's YOU! Your resilience, your resourcefulness, your ability to adapt and overcome. You're building on decades of foundation, positioned perfectly to create something meaningful with the wisdom you've gained.
What's Been the Cost?
What's been the cost of letting fear make your decisions? Maybe it's the dream sitting in your heart for years. Maybe it's the promotion you haven't applied for. Maybe it's the business you haven't started.
Your career dreams aren't too big, too late, or too much. The only thing between you and what you actually want is your willingness to feel uncomfortable while you figure it out. And you've been uncomfortable before.
Picture yourself one year from now. You wake up excited about your work. You're using gifts you'd forgotten you had. Someone asks what you do, and you light up telling them because it's true to who you are now. That's what's waiting for you on the other side of this fear.
You've got decades of wisdom, capability, and resilience. Are you going to trust it? Are you going to stop waiting for perfect timing? Are you going to take back your dreams from fear?
Are you going to keep letting Pachad write your story, or are you ready to step into your Yirah and discover what you're truly capable of? Because the only thing scarier than taking that leap is looking back in five years wishing you had!
Your time to shine is right NOW, ladies! And I'm cheering you on every step of the way.
I’m Dawn LaRae, The Midlife Career Whisperer™! I help midlife women design their dream career so they can experience passion and purpose in their work.
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