Does the Word “Boundaries” Make You Cringe? How to Overcome the Fear in Setting Boundaries at Work

The number of times I've witnessed this scenario in my coaching practice could probably fill a book…Brilliant, accomplished midlife women arrive completely depleted, wondering where their energy and joy have disappeared to. And as we unpack their stories, a clear pattern emerges: boundaries that have gradually faded away, leaving them overextended, undervalued, and exhausted.

According to a recent Harvard Business Review study, professionals who establish clear boundaries report 34% higher job satisfaction and significantly lower burnout rates. Yet for midlife women specifically, boundary-setting is still one of our biggest challenges!

I get it! Many of us were raised to be the helpers, the fixers, the ones making sure everyone else's needs were met before our own. We've spent decades perfecting this role (and did a pretty good job at it, I might add!)

Here's what I know to be true from my years of career coaching: at midlife, continuing to over-commit, over-give, over-do is not only unsustainable, but it's actively blocking you from the career fulfillment you deserve. But don’t worry! There’s a simple (but maybe not easy) fix: setting boundaries!

The Midlife Boundary Paradox

There's a beautiful irony that I've witnessed time and again in my coaching sessions. The very moment in life when we most need strong boundaries is also when we're most qualified to set them! Think about it – we've accumulated decades of wisdom, professional expertise, and life experience. We've earned the right to protect our energy and define what works for us.

Yet so many of us still struggle with the voice inside that whispers, “If your boss asks for it, you better do it without question” or "Who do you think you are to say no?" or "They'll think you're not a team player if you don't take on this extra project."

I remember clearly when I hit this wall myself as a leader at a major healthcare organization. I was struggling with work demands that not only didn’t align with my values, but were coming at me from multiple directions and sometimes contradicted each other. And the icing on the cake . . . they were causing me to miss family dinners, kids’ activities, and spending Sunday evenings with that familiar knot of dread in my stomach about Monday morning. My values and my daily reality were completely disconnected – and my body was sending ALL the warning signals.

The permission slip I finally wrote myself to establish firm boundaries changed everything. Not just for my wellbeing, but for the quality of my work and my relationships too!

What Boundary Erosion Looks Like in Your Career

Before we dive into solutions, let's get real about the symptoms. Do any of these situations sound familiar?

• You're consistently working through lunch "just to catch up"

• Your vacation days pile up unused because "there's never a good time to be away"

• You've been handling tasks way below your pay grade because "it's just easier to do it myself"

• Your inbox pings at 9 pm and you respond immediately because "they might need it first thing tomorrow"

• You've accepted a salary below market rate because "I should be grateful for the opportunity"

• Your ideas get co-opted in meetings, but you stay silent to "keep the peace"

• You say “yes,” when you really mean “no”

Research from the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health shows that these boundary-blurring behaviors contribute significantly to workplace stress, which affects women disproportionately. Basically, ladies, boundaries are just as much about your health and well-being as they’re about your comfort!

Your Permission Slip for Better Boundaries

I'm about to tell you something that might feel revolutionary. 

You don't need anyone else's permission to establish boundaries that honor your well-being. The permission slip that matters most is the one you write for yourself.

Here's what I want you to internalize: Setting boundaries is essential self-leadership. When you establish clear parameters around your time, energy, and expectations, you're not just taking care of yourself. You're actually showing up as your best self for your colleagues, clients, and loved ones too.

Let's work through some practical exercises to help you strengthen your boundary-setting muscles!

Exercise 1: The Energy Audit

This powerful reflection exercise helps you identify where your boundaries need reinforcing:

1. Draw a line down the middle of a sheet of paper.

2. On the left side, list all your current work activities and responsibilities.

3. On the right side, mark each item with a "+" if it energizes you, a "-" if it depletes you, or a "0" if it's neutral.

4. Circle the three biggest energy drains.

Now comes the important part: For each of those energy drains, ask yourself:

• What boundary would make this more manageable?

• What's one small step I could take this week to establish that boundary?

Remember, you don't have to transform everything overnight. Small, consistent boundary reinforcements create powerful change over time.

Exercise 2: Create Your "Not-To-Do" List

We're all familiar with to-do lists, but have you ever created a "not-to-do" list? This is a game-changer for midlife women reclaiming their time and energy.

Take 15 minutes and write down:

• Tasks you consistently do that aren't in your job description

• Responsibilities you've outgrown but haven't let go of

• Things you say yes to out of guilt or obligation rather than genuine desire

• Work habits that no longer serve you (like checking email after 7 pm)

Choose ONE item from this list and commit to removing it from your life for the next week. Notice what happens – both the challenges and the unexpected benefits!

Exercise 3: The Values-Boundaries Connection

According to research published in the Journal of Applied Psychology, boundaries that align with our core values are significantly more likely to be maintained long-term.

1. Write down your top 3 core values (e.g., family, wellbeing, innovation, contribution, personal growth, connection, autonomy)

2. For each value, identify one way your current work boundaries either support or undermine that value

3. Create one boundary statement that would better align your work life with each value

For example: "Because I value family, I will leave work by 5:30 pm three days per week to be present for dinner"  or “Because I value freedom, I will carve out a portion of my work week towards developing new, out-of-the-box ideas for future implementation.”

The Language of Healthy Boundaries

One of the biggest barriers I see in my career coaching practice is that many midlife women simply don't have the vocabulary for setting boundaries clearly and confidently. We worry about sounding harsh or uncooperative, so we soften our communication to the point where our boundaries get trampled anyway.

Here are some phrases that my clients have found helpful:

• "I'd be happy to take on this project. To give it the attention it deserves, I'll need to reprioritize my current workload. Which of these other tasks should I put on hold?"

• "I don't check emails after 6 pm, but I'll respond first thing tomorrow morning."

• "That request goes beyond the original scope we discussed. Let me outline what additional resources we'd need to incorporate it."

• "I've noticed our meetings often run over time. I have a hard stop at 3 pm for another commitment."

The key is to be clear, professional, and matter-of-fact. You don't need to over-explain or apologize for having boundaries! Simply state them as the professional standards they are.

The Ripple Effect of Your Boundaries

When you start setting and honoring your own boundaries, you create permission for others to do the same. Other women in your organization watch and learn. Colleagues begin respecting their own limits too.

And by honoring your boundaries, you're not just transforming your own career experience, but helping to create healthier workplace cultures too. Isn't that the kind of legacy we want to leave?

At this beautiful stage of life, we've earned the right to work in ways that honor our wisdom, experience, and well-being. Setting boundaries is one way to create the space you need to step into your POWER. The world needs what midlife women bring to the table… and that includes your newly fortified boundaries!

Ready to reclaim your power with stronger boundaries? Take my FREE Career Alignment Assessment to discover where setting better boundaries could transform your work life.

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I’m Dawn LaRae, The Midlife Career Whisperer™! I help midlife women design their dream career so they can experience passion and purpose in their work.

If you’re looking for some extra support, here are three ways I can help!

1. Follow me on LinkedIn! I share all kinds of resources, inspiration, and insights for midlife women in any phase of your career. Plus, you’ll get to join me LIVE every Friday for the Morning 20!

2. How well does your current career align with your values, strengths, and purpose? Take my FREE Assessment to find out! Career Alignment Assessment.

3. Just want to have a conversation? Schedule a free Discovery Call and let’s chat!